I got a job!
Conversational English classes with University students and business people.
I don't have to baby-sit. Suck it, chumps.
See you on the Dark Side
Friday, February 26, 2010
Money, Money, Money, Money... mmMONEY!
Dear Congress,
Stop telling me what the problem is. I know what the problem is.
You want my money.
Let's back up for a moment. Against my better judgement I have been watching clips of the televised health care "debate". Now, normally I would be pleased as punch to watch our dual party system scrabble and pinch and hair-pull for the 5% undecided constituency. It keeps any of you from doing any more damage than you already have. But, things being what they are, we have a few wrinkles to deal with, namely the fact that corporations now rule the country.
But I digress. We were talking about my money.
First, the obvious: you have instituted a blatantly unconstitutional income tax and convinced the yokels that it's okay. Well done. Then you have made a lack of car insurance a criminal offense, so I am now legally obligated to fund this industry in order to get to my job to make money to fund the industry to get to my job to make money... you get the idea.
Next, a few less Mad Max spiked-knee-to-the-face tactics: Insurance companies want my money, car companies want my money, Wal-Mart wants my money, Your Mom wants my money, the oil industry wants my money, the bank wants my money, etc. "but those are corporations, not us". Yes, corporations that use their massive financial resources to "lobby" you to stall, veto, reword into uselessness and other clever actions, any legislation which might actually do the public some good. If you don't they will twist your image like a vindictive psychotic girlfriend on your balls to the point that you lose your credibility with the slobbering masses, thusly their vote and shortly thereafter, your job. You like your job. It's a good job. You get paid to stand around with your mouth open and let hot air escape. I am looking forward to having a similar job soon. I however, do not get to enjoy "fringe benefits" like a cool free mansion to live in and a private security force and free steak dinners and awesome under-the-table relationships with local mafia.
So, you get to keep your money and give away mine.
I'm taking my money and going somewhere else. Screw you America.
/political rant off
See you on the Dark Side
Stop telling me what the problem is. I know what the problem is.
You want my money.
Let's back up for a moment. Against my better judgement I have been watching clips of the televised health care "debate". Now, normally I would be pleased as punch to watch our dual party system scrabble and pinch and hair-pull for the 5% undecided constituency. It keeps any of you from doing any more damage than you already have. But, things being what they are, we have a few wrinkles to deal with, namely the fact that corporations now rule the country.
But I digress. We were talking about my money.
First, the obvious: you have instituted a blatantly unconstitutional income tax and convinced the yokels that it's okay. Well done. Then you have made a lack of car insurance a criminal offense, so I am now legally obligated to fund this industry in order to get to my job to make money to fund the industry to get to my job to make money... you get the idea.
Next, a few less Mad Max spiked-knee-to-the-face tactics: Insurance companies want my money, car companies want my money, Wal-Mart wants my money, Your Mom wants my money, the oil industry wants my money, the bank wants my money, etc. "but those are corporations, not us". Yes, corporations that use their massive financial resources to "lobby" you to stall, veto, reword into uselessness and other clever actions, any legislation which might actually do the public some good. If you don't they will twist your image like a vindictive psychotic girlfriend on your balls to the point that you lose your credibility with the slobbering masses, thusly their vote and shortly thereafter, your job. You like your job. It's a good job. You get paid to stand around with your mouth open and let hot air escape. I am looking forward to having a similar job soon. I however, do not get to enjoy "fringe benefits" like a cool free mansion to live in and a private security force and free steak dinners and awesome under-the-table relationships with local mafia.
So, you get to keep your money and give away mine.
I'm taking my money and going somewhere else. Screw you America.
/political rant off
See you on the Dark Side
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Oh... By Casual, You meant Formal...
I have rediscovered a passion of mine. In China we called it Chenglish. I suppose I should start referring to it by it's new moniker "Konglish", although every time see I see that word I see a Giant Gorilla on top of the Empire State Building asking tiny toy planes for directions.
I was asked via email for additional pictures to show to my potential employers which were more "casual". Now, being an exceptionally skilled ninja, I'm not really a picture person. It makes public restaurant assassination a bit dicey. So I spent an hour sifting through various files on my laptop trying to find work safe pictures that would show my fun, non-assassiny side. I came up with a few that I thought were appropriate, including one of me cutting quite the rug at a dance party and another of me with an ex (she is very pretty, albeit fucking psychotic, which I figured couldn't hurt my case). I was later told by my recruiter that what they actually wanted was something with me wearing a suit, which as we all know, is the pinnacle of relaxation in the US of A.
Oh yeah, I've missed this, and it's gonna be good.
Now, I'm an irresponsible 30 year old boy. That's why I've lived off of the Coffee Retail Industry for the last 7 years. It keeps me in booze, frozen chicken and video games. It's the life right? well, I'm bored and sick of American entitlement, so there ya go. The moral of the story is this: I don't own a suit. The last time I wore a suit was at my dad's funeral, and I'm pretty sure I borrowed it, so they're just shit out of luck.
See you on the Dark Side
I was asked via email for additional pictures to show to my potential employers which were more "casual". Now, being an exceptionally skilled ninja, I'm not really a picture person. It makes public restaurant assassination a bit dicey. So I spent an hour sifting through various files on my laptop trying to find work safe pictures that would show my fun, non-assassiny side. I came up with a few that I thought were appropriate, including one of me cutting quite the rug at a dance party and another of me with an ex (she is very pretty, albeit fucking psychotic, which I figured couldn't hurt my case). I was later told by my recruiter that what they actually wanted was something with me wearing a suit, which as we all know, is the pinnacle of relaxation in the US of A.
Oh yeah, I've missed this, and it's gonna be good.
Now, I'm an irresponsible 30 year old boy. That's why I've lived off of the Coffee Retail Industry for the last 7 years. It keeps me in booze, frozen chicken and video games. It's the life right? well, I'm bored and sick of American entitlement, so there ya go. The moral of the story is this: I don't own a suit. The last time I wore a suit was at my dad's funeral, and I'm pretty sure I borrowed it, so they're just shit out of luck.
See you on the Dark Side
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
All Systems Are Go...
What the shit.
Well, now that the tone has been set for this little experiment, on to the meat of things.
You know how your girlfriend makes you watch those movies where the guy meets the girl, they fall in love but she's getting married/engaged/joining a nunnery. He screws it up by "being the good guy"/having a secret past/sleeping with her best friend. She leaves the country to pursue her now marred "dream" and he jumps on the next flight, chases after her to Brigadoon, spills his heart out and they live happily ever after.
This is a scenario is a lie. A clever ruse perpetrated by giant aeronautics corporations to keep you buying airline tickets in the hope that you can live the fairy tale in some halcyon paradise.
Greedy Bastards.
Do you have any idea what it takes to move to another country? I'll give you a hint: I've been working on this for a year. That's right kids, I'm moving to South Korea. Welcome to the freak show. I'm not going to tell you who I am yet because frankly, I don't trust you. It's kept me out of Chinese prisons and child free for 30 years, so if it works, don't fuck with it.
See you on the Dark Side.
Well, now that the tone has been set for this little experiment, on to the meat of things.
You know how your girlfriend makes you watch those movies where the guy meets the girl, they fall in love but she's getting married/engaged/joining a nunnery. He screws it up by "being the good guy"/having a secret past/sleeping with her best friend. She leaves the country to pursue her now marred "dream" and he jumps on the next flight, chases after her to Brigadoon, spills his heart out and they live happily ever after.
This is a scenario is a lie. A clever ruse perpetrated by giant aeronautics corporations to keep you buying airline tickets in the hope that you can live the fairy tale in some halcyon paradise.
Greedy Bastards.
Do you have any idea what it takes to move to another country? I'll give you a hint: I've been working on this for a year. That's right kids, I'm moving to South Korea. Welcome to the freak show. I'm not going to tell you who I am yet because frankly, I don't trust you. It's kept me out of Chinese prisons and child free for 30 years, so if it works, don't fuck with it.
See you on the Dark Side.
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